Quiet! You're still on a Diet..

Costco. My mother's dreamworld, and my father's nightmare. Me? I can't decide whether Costco has improved or screwed up my life. For example, I walked into my house after quite a hard workout with my trainer Aaron (there are bound to be blogs about that poor fellow) and head straight for the refridgerator. All the way home I have been plotting my next nutrition move and have calculated the most pristine balance of proteins and carbs to complement all the work I just barely did. But trouble is bound to lie ahead as it always does. I walk through the garage and nearly trip over an empty cardboard box. I think to myself, "Self, why is there a cardboard box in the way of my path to the door?" Myself discovers the answer quite quickly as I glance around the dimly lit garage to find that this is not a lone cardboard box. This box has not only intruded upon my pathway, it has invited all of its boxy friends to take up residence in what should be my parking spot in the garage. This is clue #1 that someone has put these boxes to great use. Anyways now I'm on my way inside with eyebrows raised to find the next clue that someone has been to the land of costco. I find it quite quickly when I ritually look into the pantry (to obviously make sure that all the pantry products are in their proper place and none of them need me to move/eat them) and find it more stocked than usual. I do not recall those cans on the ground nor do I remember that box of gummy treats blocking my view of the dried mangos... Gingerly I walk into the kitchen. It looks cleaner. Why is it cleaner? I begin to get nervous. I make sure no one is around as I reach for the handle to open the machine that keeps my food at the perfect temperature. I touch, I grasp, I tug, I pull (it seems to be sticker than usual & requires a little elbow grease and effort to open now. Coincidence? Mostly likely not) and then it happens. All my fears are manifest as I gaze into a fully stocked fridge with an array of goodies cuddling together on the shelves. Suddenly it does not matter what I had planned to eat all the way until this point. Gym? What gym? Workout? Never happened.. I can't help myself, its a dieter's worst nightmare. It's as though the fridge has been surrounded by soft heavenly lights and an angelic choir has descended upon me to sing the song of my warmth filled soul. I regret ever eating that orange in the car when I open the thing of grapes. I call it the "thing" because no one knows exactly what to call that plastic container it comes in. Its not a box, but it not a bowl- its just the thing. Now you may think this gives you reason to mock me... You may laugh as I worry about consuming fruits of everykind, but its not the plump juicy crunchy grapes that are the problem, its the whole concept behind this overwhelming display of food in front of me. I become indecisive and end up eating a little of everything that was brought home, and then continue to eat a lot of what really tasted good to me out of those sample tastes. Sample tastes. Now that's another problem I have with Costco. Costco is large, it has to be in order to have all those rows and rows of food you never thought possible to have. Because Costco is large there is never really a "short/fast/brief/quick costco run". Call it what you want mom, but if your idea of short is like 30 minutes then lets never do anything that you would consider "long" together. But throw in those cute old women giving you samples and your costco trip just doubled in duration. Some feebly mumble out "sample" (although they don't need to because my eye is always searching for those red and white checkered tableclothes) and everything you taste seems like it just came out of that old woman's oven. You long to be this woman's grandchild, and you wish this sample was not just a sample. So now your costco trip is getting longer, more expensive, and a whole lot heavier to load and unload into your car. Not to mention you are losing agility and speed from all these freaking samples! Moral of the story: Costco is a trap. Smart skinny people don't shop at Costco. Well that was a broad accusation, those skinny people probably have one thing I feel like most of us lack, and that is self-control. They have goals, shopping lists, and time limits. They stop for no one and nothing-- not even you old grandma. Take your sample and give it to someone who cares. Apparently in my mind skinny people are also quite rude..